Even after hearing my friend, Denden, said "However, Allah's blessing is in your parent's, Cha..", I still couldn't get myself together just yet and still fight over myself among disappointment. I was sorry and I am sorry. *Oh Lord, don't close my heart from your sign, please.*
I spent the night reading and reading quran, trying to have a contemplation moment, and suddenly I can't stand not to apologize. Is it hidayah? And I feel super glad right now. Though, I still have a very big hope to make it happen but*Bismillahirrahmanirrahim* I have to be able to compromise with a selfish side of mine. I realize that I don't have any logical reason not to grant their wishes, for not obeying them. After all these times, after all what they have been giving me, how could I, right?
You don't have to ask how happy I am when I hear about the news. So you don't have to ask how sad I am when I have to let it go. I don't have anyone to tell about this even the closest persons who will understand. I just don't want their opinion (which I'm sure will be supportive for fighting for it) ruin my decision to put a side my ego. Oh life, oh life. I try to put still. I try to keep smiling just like Capt always told me to. Though, I can do it, but why my heart is still stormy? And it hurts.
I spent the night reading and reading quran, trying to have a contemplation moment, and suddenly I can't stand not to apologize. Is it hidayah? And I feel super glad right now. Though, I still have a very big hope to make it happen but*Bismillahirrahmanirrahim* I have to be able to compromise with a selfish side of mine. I realize that I don't have any logical reason not to grant their wishes, for not obeying them. After all these times, after all what they have been giving me, how could I, right?
You don't have to ask how happy I am when I hear about the news. So you don't have to ask how sad I am when I have to let it go. I don't have anyone to tell about this even the closest persons who will understand. I just don't want their opinion (which I'm sure will be supportive for fighting for it) ruin my decision to put a side my ego. Oh life, oh life. I try to put still. I try to keep smiling just like Capt always told me to. Though, I can do it, but why my heart is still stormy? And it hurts.
I stop at Ar-Rahmaan just like Dad often told me to read whenever I am sad, and tears just suddenly burst out without hesitation. I'm feeling so small right now. I realize how selfish I am.
"Fabi ayyi aalaai rabbikumaa tukadzdzibaan. Yas aluhu man fiissamaawaati wal ardhi kulla yawmin huwa fiisya'n~" (55:28-29).
I love them so much. Yes, I really do. I am so sorry Mom, Dad. *hug*
Love,
Marissa
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