rikairyoku: I lost him,,

Anak-anak nyuruh gw bikin blog di sini,, tapi masih berat ninggalin blog fs...Jadi ya...gw copy aja, semua yang pernah gw tulis dari pertama,, but one by one y...

Ini blog pertama gw...ttg alm.mantan gw ;)

Kaulah matahari yang membuatku ingin lekas terjaga
Hangat sinarmu memberi arti hingga tiap hembusan nafas ini
Cahayanya menenangkan hati di tiap bimbang yang dirasanya
Kaulah terang dalam gelapku merajut benar tiap helai salahku
Tujuan dalam ketersesatanku
Membimbing langkah tiap jengkalnya
Temani renangi hidup selami mimpi
Jutaan puji tak sebanding lakumu
Kata menyerah pada indah wujudmu
Sempurna mustahil, namun kau ada
Jauh, tapi begitu dekat
Tinggi, namun terasa dalam genggaman
Bukanlah kau mengartikan, karena kaulah arti itu…
Rad.Ratama

Everything’s such a mess since I lost him, the one who ever filled the empty side of this heart which had had broken. Nothing showed his weakness in my eyes, he aerated this ‘vacuum’ soul with so much love that I could never give back to him, though so, he was always next to through day by day, he was always there for me. Damn, I was so selfish, right? I couldn't blame him shouting his angry every other day. He often did it, he shouted loud at me…After everything that he already gave me, sometimes; he wanted to pretend that he’d had me. But deep down in his soul, he knew that he’d never had. I stood on a line beyond his and never let him step on it; moreover, I never made my self try to step on his. I flew on my own sky and never let him to reach me. No wondered he often mad at me, but still, he never ever left me. Even though our days were full of mess, fight, cry, and even I’d asked him to let me go, he never did. He lived in my ignoring, sitting on my own will and my own happiness. I never thought about him, at all. I often wondered why he did love me so bad. What had I done that he loved me deeply? He’d even already known that I didn't have a "thing" for him since our met. One day, I saw him sitting on his car waiting for me. I don’t know why, but at that time…for a moment… he looked so tired, so sad…with his head bowed on the driver-wheel. Then a "great" thing came on my mind, "He’s done, he’s had enough!” I entered the car and when he was welcoming me with his charming smile. Without closing the door, I said "We’re done...I'm sorry...", then I walked out and never wanted to imagine his reaction. Since then, I didn’t hear anything about him but he'd already forgotten me. Till one day, I was called by his brother and he said "Tama’s gone...” He’s gone because of evil substances called drugs. I’d had no words to say, my guilt ran over my whole body, and suppressed my brain. My half-heart went with his since then. Now I live with a big regret in my life, I truly lost him...

Sorry, I never told you all I wanted to say
Sorry I’d never shown you, assumed you always be there
Now it’s too late to hold you ‘cuz you’ve flown away, so far way
Never had I imagine, living without your smile
Feeling and knowing that you hear me, it keeps me alive
And I know you’re shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we’ve lost along the way
And I know eventually we’ll be together, one sweet day…
Picture little scene of heaven,,
(One sweet day-boysIImen)