A Frozen Unwell

July 22, 2007

People... It’s Sunday morning and I’m in Jakarta already. I should be still in Puncak but my jetlag drove me insane. I felt terrible since the minute I arrived in Puncak, I feel dizzy and so unwell. Though, when my friends found that rest couldn’t calm my hysterics or get me to sleep at first night, they always treated me like a Cleopatra [thanks girls, ILU so much] but still I drifted off into an uneasy sleep [finally]. I imagined I was on my bed surrounding by my warm, comforting blanket, listening voice outside my room coming from my father who always still awake watching TV and drowning in his computer [manja lu, dek!].

The next morning I wakened up by Ruhum’s cell phone, which always rang day and night, though at that time it was only just after four [gauuul abis, gauuuul giiiilaa lo Hum! Niat istighozah?!]. Phew, I did need a hot bathtub to bring my frozen body back to life. I woke to find the sun streaming in through the window; the grass was brilliant green spreading along my sight, and the view like something from a picture postcard. The weather was so damn good that I could smell fresh air surrounding me; I should’ve gone with Uchal, Roy, and Happy to do morning-walk. To me, it seems the weather got windy and rainy [halah...] so I decided to stay at the house. Instead, I sat down on the window seat and stared down the road, seeing my three friends’ shadow going further. I stared my cell phone, willing that someone texting me while I was dying to texting him. Lucky me, I got Nabir who could always distract me with her adorable jokes in the middle my weakness [Cihuy abis dah lo, Bir!].

I wish I could count on this trip for escaping from the-two-weeks-of-nightmare [that owell thing...]. Selfish me, I was only aware of all the commotion in the back of my mind. Bhas and Widii didn’t stop texting me and I felt so lucky to have them [Bhas keep on telling me that I shouldn’t get any idea in that direction]. I knew that disappearing completely was my first aim since I arrived, but how could I? Almost whole weekend everyone talked about him and my curiosity grew bigger than my will to disappear. I tried to figure out how to broach the subject tactfully when everybody was in front of me [moreover, I’ve got in a woman conversation with my girl friends and it was enough to remind me over and over]. Fascinating!
I realized how dumb I had been if I was defeated by this unwell feeling. It must have been only a jetlag from the ride. It was a beautiful day that nothing could make me feel down. Nevertheless, no matter how hard I tried to make myself feel right, I couldn’t defeat it. I didn’t know. All I knew was that I felt uneasy, as if something terrible were about to happen [to me, exactly].

Just before I started the woman conversation, I had already called my mum to pick me up. I didn’t what was going to happen if I spent another night there. I was afraid that I would only destroy my friends’ pleasure with this damn unwell feeling. Though, I had already destroyed mine when people who obviously could make me in pleasure. Lucky me again, I have done my biro presentation. At the time, I write this, I still feel dizzy; I am really-really unwell.

May the force be with you and him

[ICHA]